All I made for the wedding

Hard to see but I had this hanger made: Mrs. LeBlanc....nice keepsake!
Was very happy with how these all turned out. Labors of love they were!
Saw this cake in stumbleupon.com and asked Cortney to replicate it. She did a fantastic job!
I bought this ampersand and painted it black. Thought it would be great for pictures!


I made Danny's boutonniere from a silk petal and added a small brooch to make his brides. I made all the men's this way.








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Map hearts to sprinkle coming down the aisle, scrabble tile holders painted black at each place setting, hand cut, sealed roses :45 made, to put on tables, necklace for myself, programs with maps cut out and glued on sticks for fanning, ribbon wreath for front door of club, talk bubbles out of foam board and sprayed painted, throw away bouquet, bridesmaids bouquet and brides bouquet . Breanne's bouquet consisted of heirloom brooches from her grandmothers, vintage pieces and pins I picked up along the way. I finished it with black ostrich feathers.

What I'd REALLY like to Do/Say

For the last several weeks, I have been obsessed with something.

Say, for instance, wouldn't it be fantastic, if for one day a year, we could actually say what we wanted with no ramifications?

As in no ramifications, I mean the next day we wouldn't recall what was said? Or maybe just that it wouldn't be so hurtful? I have no clue what I mean.

I do know that not being able to say something is frustrating to say the least.

So maybe I will just give guidelines....here goes:

1. If your going to accept the 100 dollars a head invitationto a wedding( or ANY dollar a head invitation)

: at least bring a card. Pretty simple.

What position does that put the bride in? " I am calling because I cannot find your card...did you bring one?" Not.

2 .Just because it's an open bar, does not give you the go ahead to line em up. Seriously?

Ain't you got no upbringin?

3. Same goes for the hor's de houevres. They are meant to TEASE the appetite, not appease it.

4. The decor was just that...decor. Not meant for you to take it home. Unless you ask me. Sheesh.

5. Manners.....remember those? How about instilling them in your child? Because when they're adults, not so attractive.

6 t.v.'s are NOT, I repeat, are NOT babysitters. Oh, I don't mean about the occasional " I need a break" thing, I am talking having one in their rooms so they can get away from you, at all hours of the night.

7. Never let a child walk away from you and your conversation while giving you the stare down.

Who in the h#ll is the adult here?

8.Yelling and berating your child in public and/or in front of anyone, is sociopathic. There is always a better way to reprimand your child.( Like in private, hello). SO as not to inflict anymore psychological damage than they already have.

9.. Letting your child have free rein is not acceptable. Every child wants guidelines. Guidelines show them we care enough to actually follow through with what we say. Best ever overheard saying: " so and so's Mom never makes them have a curfew"..."well, I love you more than that".

Touche'.

10. If you have gotten good service, then tip like you did! Waitstaff make their salary on tips. The state laws here in Washington tax all tips. So if you make 8 dollars and hour and make 300 in tips, those tips are taxed. Never mind you had to split that tip with the chef, hostess and other staff. So you are taxed on that wonderful 4 dollar tip a table just left you on a 70 dollar bill after working with that table for 70 minutes. Wonderful. In Utah, state requires waitstaff to make minimun wage at 2.40 an hour AND get taxed on their tips as well. It's a wonder anyone even works in the food service industry. Please, TIP well!!

11. I got no more. At least none I can openly talk about. For fear of ramifications. That pretty much sums it up. Boy, sure wish I could tho.

New name contest

I am thinking of re-naming myself.

Lumpy.

It becomes, oh so apparent when you see my legs and arms.

It would appear that I am allergic to not only fleas, but mosquito bites as well.

I discovered this after much research on Google.

As I stated in my previous blog, the benadryl gel has been depleted due to the massive invasion of invisible mosquito bites.

I STILL have yet to see the dang things. But I feel them.

Boy do I feel them.

I don't think going in public today is going to be such a good idea.

I've tried several remedies that people have suggested.

Salt/water paste, baking soda, over the counter medications, toothpaste, cocaine.

Ok, not cocaine, I was just seeing if you were paying attention.

But at this point, I might not be adverse to it.

As of this moment, I sit here with 28 mosquito bites that have left me with little sleep, unable to focus on anything but the painful itching and welts.

And covered in toothpaste.

Great, now I have to go to the store to get more toothpaste for it's original intention.

*insert small children and sensitive adults screaming in horror here when they catch a glimpse of my limbs*

Poor Zailey.
What do I say to her when she wants to ride her bike outside today?

"Not today honey...or any other day for that matter"???

So, if you do not like my new name for myself, I am open to suggestions.

Be kind, I am already in enough distress.

Sweat..... Yeah, I have to go there......

Today ladies and gentlemen, I am going to approach the topic of sweating.

However unpleasant.

And it is. Because I am in Alabama/Georgia for the next 4 weeks and the weather here is , well, sweat.

And now for the science lesson, because I would feel inept if I wasn't able to teach us all a thing or two~

"Sweating is the release of a salty liquid from the body's sweat glands. This process is also called perspiration.

Sweating is an essential function that helps the body stay cool. Sweat is commonly found under the arms, on the feet, and on the palms of the hands."

And on the face. Let's not forget the face.

I was sitting in the car yesterday while Breanne got gas and there was a short period when the doors were opened. By short, I mean 5 minutes. So essentially, an eternity.

Not to be gross but, let's face it, there's no getting around it with THIS topic. It was pouring off my face. There were no kleenex around and no paper towels. Why they don't keep these essentials in their car with weather like this, is beyond me.

So there I was in public, ( gasp) with liquid pouring down my face. The woman attendant was bouncing around like it weren't no thang.....what? How? I watched her, fascinated. I'm sure she thought I was a stalker. I kept looking for signs of sweat on her face...there was none. How does she do that?!? When Breanne got back in the car and the AC kicked on, I , yes, groaned with relief.

As Breanne put it: "it's like wearing a wet hot sweater" all the time. Bingo. Only, I don't win anything.

So with that, comes a whole spectrum of add ons.

1. hair do's that have their own agenda
2. inadequate make up
3. undesirable clothing , in that it sticks to you.

As if the sweat rolling off is not enough. Nooo, it has to bring it's close friends along.

Let me just say this. I will NOT stop flat ironing my hair.Until I am in the islands surrounded by my people whose hair resembles mine in every way. And so, this means I start the process every morning, regardless.

(Insanity: the defintion of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.)

Hair spray is my best friend.

Make up: It starts off fantastic. But what makeup can hold up under a constant barrage of water running over it I ask you? I try to avoid any and all mirrors during the day. End of story.

Clothing: I see women everywhere wearing tank tops. Skinny women, tall women, short women and, uhem, fat women. Let me preface this with saying that will never be me. Tank tops go UNDER a lightweight cardigan. Only, here in Alabama, nothing is lightweight. So, I end up looking stupid in layers. What started out as put together and ready to face the world, ends up a hot mess. Hot, hahahha, get it?

And no matter what you do to combat it, sweat always wins.

Which means I always lose.

This is not going to go well.

Spiders, Cicadas, Palmettos, oh my

Gather 'round boys and girls,

today we're going to talk about bugs!

Who can tell me if you've even been bitten by one?

Yes? How about an invisible one?

That's right! Apparently, here in the south, they have invisible bugs as well as the ones you can see!

Oh joy! It's not enough that I don't even like to step on the "grass" here because every time I do, I see a large bug. Every time.

Large spiders, large cicadas, large palmettos.

What, you say? What is a palmetto? Allow me to quote my new friend( on my first trip to Alabama) sitting next to me on the plane.

"You're gonna see cockroaches. People down here call em Palmettos. Just a fancy word for cockroach. You know, like "la cucaracha" in the song? Same difference. Same bug. Just a fancyfide name for em".

Wonderful.

My last experience with cockroaches was not pleasant. But that's another story.

Apollo has to be on leash when he goes out because there is no fenced in yard. So we take him potty on a leash. That means we have to walk on the grass. That also means we have to go outside.

Which brings me to my invisible bugs.

I swear, when I come back into the house, I have a new bite on me every time.

Do I ever see them? no.

Do :I ever feel them bite me? no.

Do I swell up from the bite and get to the point where I really shouldn't describe it to you? yes.

Where the heck did that bug come from?

It's invisible.

That's all I can think of.

I have no other explanation.

At this rate, I should be one big swollen bug bite by, uhm, August.

Add to that the sweat that is rolling off of me and together, they make one heck of an attractive package~

Sweat.

I will have to make that my next blog.

When I figure out how to keep the moisture out of my eyes long enough to actually see.

I will leave you now to discuss invisible bugs, as I use the last of my benadryl gel on every pore of my body.

Hot is one thing....

So here I am in Alabama/Georgia.( I am usually in both states once a day.)

It is currently 10 am EST and it is 80 degrees.

Now, I knew it was going to be hot here. I have done hot.

Hot in the Caribbean, hot in Maui, hot in Las Vegas. Pretty much all the same.

Until now.

What they say about dry heat, well, is true. I don't care if it feels like running an acetylene torch over your body. It's still dry heat.

Which takes me to where I am going next.

Humid~ :When a volume of air at a given temperature holds the maximum amount of water vapour possible, the air is said to be saturated.

Oh. My. Gosh.

You know how you feel when it's raining out and you have to get out of the car? You kinda wait for the best moment when you will get the least wet?

That's how I feel. I RUN from the car into the store. And I can't help but sigh out loud as soon as I get into the air conditioned environment. I don't even bother to look to see if anyone thinks I'm strange that I am so relieved to be out of that heat and talking to myself about how soooo much better that feels.

Yesterday it was 104 and I found myself very comfortable in the commissary. What do you mean I have to leave when I am done shopping? What?!?

As long as I am at it, I might as well address the sweat.

Oh yes.

The sweat.

However do southern women maintain their composure and look as if they just stepped out of a refridgerator?

I'll admit, been here for a whopping 36 hours and I am already comtemplating looking like Mike's twin sister.

For those of you who have not seen Mike lately, he is bald. Well, shaved.

But, HE is the comfortable one.

What started out as a cute hair style on me is now a wet straggly hot mess.

Doused in hair spray. You know, to maintain style.

Oh wait, there is none now.

The fans are on here in the house, the animals are making as little movement as possible and I have finished cooking dinner. Did not want to have any stove top or oven or uneccesary heat added to this mess later in the day!

I keep glancing at the pool in the backyard.

But to GET into it would mean I have to go OUTSIDE!

I have a funny feeling that I will return to Washington kinda soggy in 6 weeks.

"where's your tan Colleen?"

It soaked off in the pool.....

I know I was eagerly looking forward to leaving the crap weather of Washington behind so I am going to make the best of this!

6 weeks.....pray for me.

Forgive me Father, for I have judged.

I feel I have always been, how do I say this....non judgemental. After all, I grew up an Army brat. Exposed to nationalities galore all my childhood days. I live in the Pacific Northwest, for crying out loud! Not the midwest!

Today I may have learned I am not. *gasp*

What?!?!

I know! I know! It shocked me as well~

Judgemental call #1.

It all began when I drove to Starbucks ( "pick me up a frappacino, will you babe" <---my Dad)

and I was behind this elderly woman in a monsterous Lincoln. Who, I might explain, was talking to the first reader board that advertised cake pops to go with your delicious coffee. Yeah, she was talking into it. So I gently honked and pantomimed to "go forward to order". She screamed back at me that she was ordering. Sigh.

I get out of my car to tell her that she is indeed NOT ordering and instead, talking to metal and cardboard. "Oh" she said and pulled forward.

No "thank you", no "drop dead", no "middle finger". Just left me standing there.

(Who's the idiot now?)

Yes, I passed judgement. I have a saying. "if you're not comfortable ON the road, get OFF". And I was soooo wishing I had printed those bumper stickers out by the hundreds so I could have handed her one.

Judgemental call #2. On the way to Paldo World, is a Mexican Mercado where I have found the hot sauce Danny Likes. So I stop in. Go right to the aisle where I found it last to see there is none there. So I go to ask the cashier if they have more in the back. A blank stare is what I got.

( maybe she doesn't speak english?)

So, here I go. "donde es la salsa muy caliente Sriracha?"

Again, the look.

Then she comes out from behind the counter and goes to where I just stood.

"hmmm, we don't have any". Really? Really???

Judgemental call #3.

So onward I go to get that needed item at Paldo World. What is Paldo World you ask? It is wonderful store on South Tacoma way that carries every asian/mexican/vietnamese, etc, etc food item known to man. I was on the hunt for some extra hot Sriracha sauce for Danny. When I was at my Dad's earler, ( after judgement #1 incident) I was telling Michael on my phone that I was going to Paldo World next . Chung, my dad's caretaker, overheard this and started giggling.

I hung up and asked her why the snickering? She said " YOU'RE going to Paldo World?!? Attention, we have a white woman in aisle 7, attention, white woman in aisle 7" then burst into more hysterical laughter. Oh . My. Gosh.

Is this what those employees really think? I assume so. So I am walking down the aisles, ( not aisle 7, we all know what happens THEN) looking at all the hot sauces.

A couple of Korean woman walk by me and look at me like I am drinking toilet water.

No lie.

And no, I wasn't.

Then comes the hushed tones of muttering under their breath so only they can hear each other. I just get the muted words. Not that it mattered, they were speaking Korean and I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU ANYWAY, hellllllo!

So I do my best to round up what I came for with confidence and throw in a couple of items I didn't come for ,so as to look like I BELONG.

Sorry Danny, no extra hot Sriracha hot found there either. And I wasn't about to ask.

No sireeee.

Judgemental #4.

On the way home from said Paldo World, I was sitting at a red light. When a woman crosses the street in front of me. Wearing a pair of beige sweat pants that were so tight, I swear a couple of raccoons' were struggling to get out. Now,.... what on earth possessed this woman to leave the house this morning wearing THAT? Does she have no friends?

" does this look ok?"-"oooouuu yeah girl, that makes you look HOT".

No friends.

I wanted to jump out of the car, give her a couple of quick tips and leave the scene. Kinda like Superwoman, only for fashion, instead of crime. "who was that masked woman who set me on the right path?"....

Come on people, I am no twiggy but I know how to turn my head and look in the mirror to see how I look walking away from you all! And granted, back fat is not easy to suck in, but it can be done with the right clothing!

Seriously?

Ok, I am done being judgemental for the day.

Or at least, I hope I am.

Proceed with what you were doing......