Dollar Tree Stores are NOT created equal....

I promise you all that know me well, that after January, I will slow down with the crafts.
Really. We all know that from September to January, my brain is on craft steroids, all naturally induced, of course.
Some of you benefit from my "how to's, classes and works.
Some of you are sick of me.
Believe me, I know. It's as if my brain has taken me hostage and will not release me until January.
I was telling a friend that it has been this way for as long as I can remember.
Oh, to only see what the other percentage of my unused brain could really do...
What? Nooooooo, you say?
Ok, ok. I get it.
But until that time comes, let me rant.
Todays rant is brought to you by The Dollar Tree.
Where, apparently, they are not all created equal.
I follow several blogs , which in turn take me to thousands others. Where I stumbled on a blogger who was making something with the gigantic plastic zoo animals from the dollar tree. She lined them all up on the register conveyor belt, like they were in a parade and took a picture. She thought she would make the cashier laugh.
The cashier did not bat an eye.
But, it was the comments in this woman's blog that caught my eye.

"oooooh, I MUST do that!"
"Wow, your dollar tree has cool stuff!"
"whoa, what a fancy dollar tree you have, yours have conveyor belts to the register!"

Uhm, excuuuuse me?
A conveyor belt makes it fancy? Really?
What on earth does THAT Dollar Tree look like? Tables set up with merchandise all lined up?
That comment cracked me up, thus leading me to this blog.
My Dollar Tree store?
Yeah, it's a........it's a.........different.
For starters, it never has the merchandise that I am looking for when I see a DIY project where "you can get all your supplies from the Dollar Tree!!!".
No I can't.
Mine doesn't.
So I walk in all excited to get my supplies and go home and create.
Big. Let. Down. ( which, by the way , is a HUGE no no for my brain at this point)
It never has anything I am looking for, ever!
What it DOES have, however, is a large group of 5 or more younger-ish people standing outside the doors looking menacing. Holligans, if you will. ( my mother in law would be so proud I just used that word, God rest her soul)
I always have to mentally plan my response just in case someone should, by chance, grab my hand as I go in.
"hey lady, got a spare buck?"
What am I supposed to say to that?
"no......I have no change. I shop at the Dollar store"...?????
So I plan what my response would be : " maybe on the way out"....and then look for a back door exit.

WHY do they hang out there? The bus stop is across the parking lot. Go there!!!
Ok then, let's go inside now.
There are two normal looking women shopping the Christmas section. Let's go eavesdrop.
" Look Ruth, they have these plastic plates I can buy so when I give my cookies as gifts, they can just keep the plate!"  Her friend-----> " oooh, what kind of cookies do you make?" ( what, does she not get any?!?!)

Ruth: " Oh honey, I don't make them, I buy them here!"
Priceless.
So I meander down the aisles , taking it all in, listening to my brain tell me what this COULD be, only to find my Dollar Tree store does not have what I am looking for.
Surely there is other stuff I can use here?
Meander.
Meander.

Nothing. I do not want to make a red neck wine glass using a candlestick and a mason jar.
Not today, thank you.
So, I guess my question is.....how do they determine what they send to each locale?
They must have a populace demo graph telling them what we want/need. Right?
If that is the case,
I am out of luck. I need to drive to a Beverly Hills Dollar Tree.
Hahhahah, just typing that made me crack up.
"here we have Gucci, Hermes, Tiffany's...and and oh, let's not forget the Dollar Tree!"
What was I thinking?
I am not! Because my brain is still in/on creative mode! It will not allow me to actually make sense, it just wants me to create!
And I cannot when my Dollar Tree will not cooperate with me~

It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas~!

Cue the Christmas music, the Christmas 24 hour movie channel and the baking, Christmas time is officially here!

And no,this is not a tree in my yard, sigh. This is a tree at Zoo Lights, Point Defiance Park, Tacoma , Wa. Which just so happens to be where I live.
 Not at the zoo, mind you. Altho, that seems to be debatable at times.
This year, my husband is thankful he does not have to go into the attic and haul down the 24 bins and or totes I have of Christmas supplies.
 Because I will be joining Breanne and Danny in Alabama for the holidays, yay!
 Michael will join us a few days after Christmas. Work /duty/ doctors call, and he must answer.It's a super busy time of year with people trying to make that dental coverage fiscal deadline.
 For those of you who think it's a breeze owning your own business...call me. I have a bubble to pop.
The hours are never your own and the vacations are something  taken by your employees. When we DO manage to get Michael out and away from the lab, we know he worries about production and quality control.
But we do our best to get him out of there when we can.
So he will be with Breanne, Danny and I  to ring in the new year!
Mitch will be spending Christmas in Pamplona ( think "running of the bulls"..)with his good friends and their parents. Sooo nice of them to take him in for the holidays.
So we will be missing each other at Christmas this year.
Kind of an odd feeling.
I mean, I KNEW this would happen. I just didn't see myself aging this fast!
So, for now I pacify myself with a little decor around the house. I drug out my Starbucks display tree that I was fortunate enough to get one year when Mitch worked at Starbucks.
 I told him all I wanted for Christmas was those display trees. '"we can't do that Mom, those things are required to go into the trash after the holidays".
What? Seriously? The company throws away their displays? What a huge waste.
Sooo, I pretended I didn't hear him when he told me that and just said " all I want for Christmas is those display trees".
I don't make things easy, do I?
So the day after Christmas, when he was done working, he waited out back where the garbage bins were and when his boss came out, she relented and gave them to him.So he got me two trees. Bless his heart. ( I really didn't give him much choice , did I?)

( sorry about the sideways view, I cannot figure out how to turn it!)

So off I go around the rest of the house, adding Christmas where I can without the mass surplus coming from the attic.

Next stop, entry way. I love Cloches. I would put everything under a glass dome if I could. I have no clue why.....I just blame it on the french side of me. They used them for their gardens all the time waaaaaay back in the day. I try not to buy every one I see. It's a burden.

Did I mention that this year, I have this unnatural obsession with deer and glitter? I do.

If this called for a show of hands, I would raise both of mine. 

What I realllllly want is a deer head. 

A form of course. So I can glitter it to death. hahahhaaa. ( I crack myself up.)

Maybe the obsession is really the glitter! It waxes nostalgia in me. I love it. So vintage.

And I grew up with it. When I was young, a ton of Christmas stuff was "glitterized". 

Then it became "tacky" and fell by the wayside.

Well, I am a one woman show here to bring it back. Ala deer.

So, if you happen to have a deer head form laying around somewhere you no longer need, consider me your best friend.

Will bake/cook/create for barter.

Moving on to the dining room.

I liked my dove that I used at Thanksgiving so much that I decided to let him/her (no, I am not turning it over to check) stay for awhile.

(Dog gone it, how do I turn these things right side up? Anyone?)

Anyway, I used Michael's mom's marble fruit in my display here. She had these things forever and we kept them. Heavier than heavy, I hope Zabu doesn't decide to "bat" any of those around. 

I am going for the "simple, yet stated" look.  Again, notice the glitter "joy"?

Told you.

Glitter is gonna make a comeback, dog gone it.

I'll admit, I may have glittered a deer necklace I bought this weekend.

Ok, I did.

And I may have added the pearls and rhinestones as well. 

Yeah, you know me well. Any piece of jewelry I buy always becomes dismantled and morphs into something different. 

Come January, I am going to be brain dead. All this creativeness will stop. Or, at least, slow down considerably.

And for that, I know you're all very thankful.

This will be the only time I will ever admit I may get out of hand from September through December.

But let me tell you, I already have some killer ideas for the new years eve party we will have in Alabama!

One day closer!

This is it.
The final countdown. Everything has to happen ( with the exception of the turkey, which is in his brine bath ) today for things to happen tomorrow.
Ok,so let's start this day off ----------->with a can opener that breaks upon opening my first can. Never mind I have a kajilion others to open.

 Wonderful.
Now I have to get dressed and go to the store to buy a new one. Which may sound like an easy task for you reading this.
Not so.
There is just something comforting about knowing you can cook in your jammies without makeup on and hair did. Until you need to go to the store.
Crap. This now means a whole ( draw out the word with me ......whhhhhoooooooolllle) regiment of getting ready to be presentable to the public.
Why do I bother you ask?
Pffft. Because everyone knows that the moment you step out in public in grub clothes and no makeup is THE time you bump into someone from high school, an old boyfriend, a hot guy in aisle 7.....

you get where I'm going with this. ( for my women friends....you're welcome for the Gerard pic....but just so you know, he's mine)
This is not what I planned today. I was supposed to get everything  assembled and ready to be baked and THEN get dressed..to go to Nordstrom.
?????
I was supposed to go to Nordstrom yesterday to pickup my wonderful biscotti that Rhonda makes me every year.
"oh yeah, I will be there after 10 am Rhonda!".
I forgot to go.
So I am supposed to go there after 3 oclock today.
But this just messes up everything.
Oh, to be a guy who just has to put a shirt and a pair of pants  and gooooo.
My men friends out there....do you  know how lucky you have it to be able to do that?
This is me walking away...to start the beautification process.
Big sigh.............

Thanksgiving Prep~

Gather round boys and girls and let me tell you a story of an ammmmazing woman.~
She could bake in her sleep, arrange tabletops one handed, cook side dishes with ONE ( gasp!) oven WHILE the turkey was still in there cooking, and look fabulous doing it all. Not even break a sweat.
Then she got old.
The end.
This is where I come in.
What happened to those days? Where the heck did they go? Is this a cruel joke?
I have been reduced to "prepping" for Thanksgiving.
How pathetic is that?
What exactly does that mean ,, you ask?
It means that all the things I use to be able to handle with a flick of a wrist, is long gone.
Dead. Rest in Peace.
And THAT means I have to write lists, anticipate ( whaaaa?) and prepare ahead of time now.
So it was kitchen time for me this morning.
I got my home made rolls all ready to go in the breadmaker. Hey, don't judge. It works WITH me.
Ok, it works FOR me.

1.Homemade rolls, second rising.

I just finished making my turkey brine. If you have not ever done one, my next husband Alton Brown, highly suggests it. And because when my current husband dies, I will marry Alton. And I have to be loyal to him.
Really, it is f.a.n.t.a.st.i.c.
Makes your bird.
2. Brine for turkey: done

Thirty some odd years ago ( be nice!) a good friend  gave me his recipe for Creamed Green Beans. Which I loved. I had never had them before. I have had them every year since. Thank you Tim. Who knew you could influence me so? :)
So, all I have to do tomorrow is incorporate the beans with the Sauce and I am good to go.
3.Green beans: partially done.

Sweet potatoes. You either love them, or hate them.
OR, get a great recipe to change your mind. Which is what happened to me.
My mom used to slap marshmallows on them and call it good.
This, from a french woman.
Not acceptable.
Again, got a recipe from a friend for Sweet Potato Casserole.
You actually mash these  and add butter and vanilla and egg.
Then you smother the heck out of them by adding a butter, brown sugar , pecan topping.
It's not a casserole. It is a dessert. And THAT is why I love them so much.
So,
4. Sweet potato crumb topping: done

Let's face it, A holiday without mashed potatoes, is not a holiday. Put those bakers away, bring on the mashed! I found this recipe years ago ( when I WAS fabulous) and it stuck.
Loaded with everything bad for you.
Ask me if I care.
 Sour cream, cream cheese , white cheddar cheese, chives all moxed and ready to go into the mashed tomorrow.
5. Company Mashed Potatoes: partially done

Ok, I think I need to move on to the tabletop. The need to merchandise and sell this dinner is strong.

But you all know that about me already. I always have to have presentation. So off I go to get my tablecloths,  my velvet pumpkins I made 

and  find that white dove I have.Annnnd the Limited Edition Kahlua Peppermint Mocha liqueur to keep me motivated.  

Tomorrow's another day closer to the "sit down and eat everything I have made in three day, in 20 minutes"

I am tethered....

So, apparently I am tethered.
Oh, give me a break, I can SEE you shaking your head in disgust!
I am absolutely, completely and irrevocably tethered to the blue window.
You know, technology in a laptop, smart phone and I pad kind of way.
as you know,my Toshiba laptop, a whole 8 weeks old, crapped out on me.
Hard drive down.
Hard drive gone, dead.
Not coming back.
Insert big sigh of disgust here.
I get this phone call from the BestBuy Geeks ( they call themselves that, so I am in the clear)telling me I needed to buy a recovery disk.
Because when this bad boy comes back from the computer hospital in Tennessee, I will need one.
" I beg your pardon?"
" yes ma'am, you will get a new hard drive but there will be nothing on it".
Will someone tell me again WHY I paid for an extended warranty , and I STILL have to buy a recovery disk?
Toshiba says: " we'll ma'am ( there's that stupid word again),
If Best Buy sent it to us, we take care of that free of charge".
" But, they don't".
Of course notttt.
They send to their own depot in Tennessee, and cannot have access to the recovery disks, but they will install it for you free of charge!
Free of charge my a.....
Just like the toshiba guy told me the recoevry disks are free...the shipping is .....
Wait for it......
29.99.
Seriously?
Seriously?
Yeah, they're serious.
That lovely gentleman obviously picked up on the tone in my voice and tried to get me to re- route the laptop to them instead of Tennessee.
insert hysterical laughter here.
Then picture a Toshiba employee at a loss for words.
Uncomfortable silence and then a paltry attempt to pacify me.
Oh, I know it's not his fault but give me a flipping break here!
I buy your product, it dies in 8 weeks and I have warranty up the you know what and I still have to purchase something to get it to working order again.
Technology is awesome, I truly love it.
I just hate being without it.
Yeah, yeah, I am doing this from my iPad but, have you seen the screen size?
Having to wait for my husband to come home so I can use his laptop to get my "fix" is pathetic.
I feel like I'm
on restriction and have to wait until dad gets home.
All,I have to say is ...get used to this rant.
My laptop will not come home to roost for another 2 weeks.
To this, my husband says : why don't you buy your own iMac laptop?
Hellllllllo, have he seen how much they cost? Did we come into some money he's not telling me about?
And before you think he is offering to buy me one, he is not. He wants me to buybitnwith my own earned money.
I really need to win the lottery.
cause then I am buying me a mammmajammma iMac and then going on a vacation...without my husband.

P.s. everyone who knows me, knows I always say this when I get mad:
" that sucks my left nut"...
Yeah, it's not ladylike but it's so tame in comparison to what I COULD be saying.
Then they say :
" but, you don't have a left nut"
To which I say : " exactly!!!!!"

Thanksgiving is right around the corner...acckkk!

Here we are at the end of the first week of November! How did this happen?
Who is gearing up for Thanksgiving? Who need ideas for decorating?
Cause......I might possibly be able to help you with that!
This is MY year to feed the family. Which means the humongous cafeteria table that folds open to seat 16 people is sitting in my dining room as we speak. ( I know, technically, we're not really talking, but humor me here).
I love presentation. Without it, you just have.. food. The italians say something to the effect of " good food, good company around the dinner table can solve any problem"....something like that.
And because of this, I "present" a table for any occasion.( In fact, I love this centerpiece so much, don't be surprised if it's on my table in a few weeks.)

What I do with my thanksgiving table is, I think, sheer genius. I know, I am patting myself on the back here but, when I get great ideas, I always see someone else going public with it and then I always get frustrated that I didn't do/say it first!
Ok, the table.
Like I said, I have a super long table. My Dad used to be a janitor at Clover Park High School and when it was being torn down ( gasp) to make way for a new one, they had an auction. He bought me a cafeteria table for 1 dollar.
 Best. Deal. Ever.

I always tell people that if Michael and I divorce, it's because of that table. He wants it gone and I want it stay. For lack of better way of saying it.
Period.
So I dress the table with a banquet  tablecloth to the floor. Why add more?
Hellllllllo, presentation!!!
Then, I lay Christmas paper all down the length of it. So it resembles a long runner.
Now, it can't be a design that blatently screams "Chrsitmas!!!!".
It is always an earth tone paper with boughs of evergreens, pinecones, etc on it. Or a simple tan Damask design would do.

No reds, pinks, lime greens, presents, flowers, snowflakes,...ok, I think you get the point.
So I lay it the length down the table. Then, I cut the paper into lengths approx. one foot hanging off each side of the table, of the width of the table. I fold the ends into points and tape them down.
So, wherever someone is seated, they have their own place mat that stretches across the table to their table mate on the other side. Get it?
One long strip of paper end to end,( looks like a long runner) and 6 shorter strips going side to side.
Instead of cutting square place mats for each person, I just lay the paper all the way across to the other person, fold the ends, tape and let it hang down.
This makes for easy clean up. Spill what you want, I don't care. It's only wrapping paper. I bunch it all up at the end of the evening and throw it away. But it looks fabulous! Seriously! If you pick a cool design, it looks awesome!
Then I add my buffet table lamps down the center for more light and surround those with fresh greens from the lot next door.

 One year I added tangerines and walnuts mixed in with the greens and cream colored candles all up and down.

As the evening wound down, desserts were eaten and we were sitting around the table with just the buffet lamps on and aperitifs in hand, it was good.
 Ambiance.
It's everything.