Sunday, June 10, 2012


Will someone please tell me again, why are we tested?
Because, I'm thinking right about now, that if I don't know what I'm made of YET, I will never get it.
Or WANT to get it, for that fact.
So here we are in June. Or, Juneuary, I should say.
 Where we have lovely 51 degree days of rain and hailstorms and ..well, what don't we get?!?
But that is just the backdrop on the stage of my life.
One year ago, we were all so excited and happy.... a wedding, my Dad healing from his broken neck, the promise of good times to come.
And here we are now.
Yes, today, I am the harbinger of doom. I'm sorry, I don't have much to sing about.
Tomorrow is my daughter and son in laws anniversary. However, it is also the departure day for him being deployed.
Again. For the 6th time.
You would think being born in the military and raised in the military would make me a little thicker skinned when it comes to deployments. You would think.
I grew up with them.
I am discovering, I still hate them.
Time for others to step up to the plate and do their job...this is waaay to many times for Danny.

Update on the Bobbie surgery:
Bobbie drove herself to the hospital with stomach pains. Where she was admitted. Where she had a 5 and a half hour surgery for her intestines. She is currently in ICU and has been there since Tuesday. She is not allowed to have any food or water until her stomach begins to work again. Maybe another week in the hospital yet? We are waiting for her blood pressure to regulate so the rest of the body can follow.

Which means that Dad cannot be alone in his home, unattended. Which means my brothers and I are taking care of him in his home.
He is confused a lot. And a lot of times, he seems like his normal self. Until you ask him something. Then you see the confusion. I repeat, Alzheimer's is a bitch.
He called me tonight. I missed the call and returned it one minute later.
" I didn't call you" he says.
I have learned ( again) to say nothing. Because I would be frustrating myself , even more than I already am.
It has gotten to the point where he cannot remember what he did during the day. That he cannot remember what he did 15 minutes ago.
But I already know all this. Been there, done that.
But it makes it no easier to swallow.
The mental care taking , not the physical, is what takes a toll on me.
But I fear I am being ruined for normal everyday conversation.
So if you call me, do not be surprised if I do not answer. Sometimes, I am not able to hold it together enough to hold a conversation.
During all this, I am in the midst of planning a wedding. What? How?
I wonder that on a daily basis.
But it would appear I am managing to do so.
Just barely.
I planned a trip to be with Breanne. The day BEFORE the wedding.
I did that.
I told you I was losing it. I apologized to my bride and her mother, and promised it would all be taken care off before I left. And it will.
My word is good.
My mind , however, is not.

So , I am discovering I cannot do it all. I have enlisted my brother's to help and they have. We take 24 hour shifts when we are able.
But it is so difficult when everyone has their own schedules and works and responsibilities. So of course, chaos and mayhem have been our close companions.
When Bobbie comes home, she will not be able to take care of herself, much less my Dad. So now we are in the process of trying to figure out what to do about that.
Thank goodness my step sisters( such an ugly word) Tricia and Lisa and Marie (sister in law) all have a wonderful understanding of the situation. If not, you might have been reading about me in the paper.
And not in a good way.
So...there you have it folks.
My life in a nutshell.
Want a refund on your ticket to this show?
Yeah,so do I.

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