Thursday, April 19, 2012

The dreaded "A"

Have you ever not wanted to so something so bad, you thought of getting in the car and driving? Away?
As in, "who knows when and where and IF I'll be back?".
That would be me, now.
I am in the position of having a third parent need my help, guidance, assistance and supervision.
Alzheimers is a bitch. They don't call it the thirty six hour day for nothing.
Now, before you go getting the wrong idea, and think I am heartless.... I understand this is my parent. Of course I love him. But this is my third round.
And frankly, I find it not fair.
You ever wonder exactly how much you can take?
Yeah, that would be me right now.
I have been through it all. Parkinsons disease, Shy Drager Syndrome ( parkinsons on steroids) Lew Body Disease and Alzheimers.
I have done my research. I know the in's and outs. I know the diseases. And I know what to expect.
Which is why I am so mentally tired.
Just to clear things up:
Dementia is a loss of brain function that occurs with certain diseases. It affects memory, thinking, language, judgment, and behavior. It is the result of over medication, the symptom of diseases. It is not the disease or the source itself.
I run into a lot of people who tell me their parents have gotten "dementia".
For those of you...check this site out.
So, I know what I am up against.
But because I do not have it, my brain almost refuses to wrap itself around the fact that it is being inundated with it , again.
I should expect the lack of answer when I ask the question. Seven times.
I should expect the anger.
I should expect the blank stare.
I should expect the non cooperation when I try to get him to walk, to get exercise.
I should expect the getting up around 10 times a night. For no reason.
I should.
But I still fight it.
And this battle takes everything from you. Your energy, your reasoning, your coping abilities, your patience.
And lo and behold, I am only into the 4th full day of living with him, 24/7.
5 more to go until his wife comes home.
I expect a lot of myself, but this, this is tough.
I get up at 5 am to make his breakfast, I try to give him something with protein, and not so much carbs.
Something to keep his energy level up. Did I mention he had diabetes? Something else to monitor.
In fact, as I am writing this, he is finishing his third chocolate pudding and trying to wash the dish so I wont see him. It's sugarless, I made it myself. It's all good.
So right now, my major problem is keeping him moving and awake. Until its time to measure his blood sugar  level again. Mostly, he fights me when I try to get him to move.
If I get him to the casino, he falls asleep at the machines. When I wake him, he gets mad  at me for even insinuating that he was asleep.
Trying to balance his blood sugar level is a toughie too. But so far, so good.
 One year, when his wife was gone and I went over to get him, he was near a diabetic coma. He gets up at night and eats. Unattended. Which spells disaster.
So I have that under control as well, right now.
Last year, as some of you will remember. I found him on the floor,bleeding and the left side of his face was black with blood and his neck was broken. He fell.
So this year, I  am leaving nothing to chance. I am staying with him.
Which means long, long hours, that make no sense or have no pattern.
He knows his wife is in Hawaii golfing. But he doesn't realize the time difference.
So she gets the phone calls at 2 am and 4 am and 5 am her time.
Where am I when he does this? Right there with him. There is no telling him he cannot call her.
Because that makes me the bad guy. I try. But he is going to do what he wants,when he wants to.
I let him talk to his granddaughter via Facebook video chat and he loved that. Only to forget he talked to her
30 minutes later.
And then he wants to know how she is doing, and how her husband is.
Answering the same questions 12 times a day is not so tough anymore.....its the reason WHY I have to do it that is the bitch.

So if you are reading this and your parents have mental stability.....go hug them now.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you Colleen! Call me or message me if there is anything you need! Seriously!