Friday, July 30, 2010

Okay, Maybe Interesting isn't the right word......

So....maybe I am interesting.
Only, I am beginning to think, not in a Good sort of way.
I mean, only I could blog about my mishaps twice within one week.
Let me begin.
I have lived in my home for almost 10 years now. And for some reason beyond my comprehension, I only just got a garage door opener. And in that vein, I still do not possess a house key.
I have no clue why. Maybe Michael is trying to tell me something.
If he is, I am obviously am a slow learner.
So I get home from all my errands today to find that Mitch has locked the kitchen door on his way out.
Not good.
I go to my bedroom doors. Also locked. Damn our efficiency.
So I go to the back patio doors. You guessed it.
Now, we live on a private road and I usually leave the kitchen door open.
(Well, I'm not gonna anymore since your reading this, but I should get myself a key)
I figure..private road, dog in the house, yadda yadda yadda.
I am locked out of my house. Great.
I call the lab, and of course, Breanne and Michael are a fount of informational help.
"Climb thru the bathroom window!" Righhhhhht. Get right on that.
I am left with no choice. There are two windows cracked open. The bathroom window and the kitchen window.
Wonderful choices. If I choose Michaels' bathroom, I will drop to the floor and or hit the toilet.
If I choose the kitchen, I will land in the sink.
I go for the kitchen window.
So I drag a chair over to the window and hoist myself up. Mind you, I have the window opened all the way up. Which is approx. 24 inches.
Yeah. I know what your thinking. Believe me, I am there.
So I maneuver myself into the opening. Did I mention that I am not thin?
Did I mention I might have a extra large chestal area? That's right, I said "chestal".
At this moment in time, I need to be refined.
Anyway, I wiggle myself into the window and to the point where "the girls" are clearly through the opening.
Now I am stuck.
Damn, I'm in a tight spot!
I try to push back to give myself some momentum but all that happens is the chair tips over and falls. AWAY FROM THE WINDOW.
Now I am hanging there from the kitchen window. "The girls" not entirely comfortable in this position. My legs dangling and absolutley no upper body strength to pull myself thru.
In utter frustration, I muster up the ability to HEAVE myself the rest of the way thru the window, thinking ( all within 5 seconds of this happening) that I should land in the sink.
Wrong again.
Apparently, I am stronger than I give myself credit for, as I overshot the sink and went straight for the floor.
To find myself staring at Manny (cat) who is looking at me like " really? We Do have a door, y'know?"
And JJ( dog) is now auditioning for "Dancing with the stars" and could care less I have splatted like a bug on the floor, just let me out to go potty dog gone it!
When I realize yet again, that there are no injuries other than my pride, I pick myself up off the floor and let the animals out.
Sure, easy for them.
They have keys. Us.
I think it's time I get a house key.
I need a cupcake.

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