We have now become one of those families who belong to an elite club.
The club of Engaged Daughters who have been Un-Engaged . Left behind.
And it is only a club I never even dreamed we would belong to. Not us.
Welcome to the initiation. It involves watching your own go through heart wrenching ( no pun intended, believe me) physical and mental obstacles.
No Eating because when they do, it refuses to stay with them. No drinking because, well, it pairs up with the eating regime. Clothes don't fit anymore.
And so this involves absolutely no energy because the body cannot possibly endure with no fuel. All the while maintaining a facade of well being for the sake of others who are aware of the misfortune. Others who want answers but you cannot give them any because you have none. So in addition to the humiliation, heartbreak and physical limitations, there is the confusion.
The costs are of no importance. What was really lost was the hours of planning to make sure the day was perfect for the happy pair. The hours of calling, interviewing, researching, and well, you get the point.
The deposits that will not be returned, the amazingly gorgeous made to order wedding dress that took her Dad's breath away, the decorations hand made by me for hours on end. But none of this is what gets you into this club.
It is the picking up of her heart and trying to piece it back together for her.
Reassuring her she DOES have value, even though the "groom to be" ripped it off of her.
We all know that these things happen for a reason and we take solace in knowing that this too will pass. Because this is supposed to be a relationship filled with joy and if it is not, then one day it will be. Someday.
She has good friends that have lifted her up, held her and prayed.
She will be whole again. Of that, we will assure.
And she is starting to see this for herself. She is a wonderful, supportive, loving and faithful woman. Some man will have the intelligence to recognize this and when he does, he will be a very happy man. He will stand beside her, through tough times and good times. Because real love does this. It does not abandon.
It does not tear another down, it does not accuse. It communicates and holds the other's fears in it's hands and handles it with the utmost care. Because that's what true love does.
And we are so sorry that this groom to be did not recognize that.
As the song by Keith Urban says:
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't.
Stupid boy, stupid boy.
What made you think you could take a life
and just push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
you had to take her and break her down.
Oh you always had to be right but now you've lost
the only thing that ever made you feel alive.
You stupid boy.
We hate this club.