ER time~

We have been at that stage where our parents' health has been an issue. For about 12 years now.

We are pro's at this now, as weird as that sounds. I'm not trying to make light of it, just trying to get through it...with some humor. But before I get started, I'm gonna tally up the past.

My mom: Parkinsons and Shy Drager disease ( not much humor here, what can I say, she was french.)

Mike's mom: Alzheimers ( left me notes all over the house telling me I was on camera and to stop stealing from her)

Mike's Dad: Alzheimers ( we didn't have much connection there...)

My dad: congestive heart failure, triple bypass surgery on my 40th birthday, diabetes, and now, broken neck surgery and beginning Alzheimers.

I have seen it all. Literally. It has left me wondering why we are born with such splendor and die with so little grace. But, in the long days of caretaking, I am grateful for the moments that catch me off guard.

With my father in Tacoma General Trauma ER room this week, I marvel at how he can have half his face swollen and bleeding from a fall,with a fractured neck, and still hold a conversation with a captain ER nurse who also did the jump school at Fort Benning.

Then another Army ER nurse who was a man, heard my dad was military once upon a day and say " You Army? me too!" My dad look at him and says :" you a doctor?"...."No, I am an ER nurse"..... "Oh, that's ok buddy.... Can't all be doctors"....

AT that point I jumped in and rescued the conversation.

But one night in his room, my dad must have been feeling a little better. His sheets needed to be changed and his RN decided to share with us. Went like this~

" When I first started nursing at 19, I had to change the sheets in a bed with a man still IN it. AND I had never seen a man naked before" To which my dad says:

" You WANNA SEE ONE NOW?!?"

AT that point, we all felt a need to answer FOR her.

"NOOOOOO".

"Oh well" my dad says.

Then there is the afternoon where I was asking my dad how he slept the night before.

"oh man, great! I slept all night and the percosets massage my legs and make them feel so much better! I am not in pain anymore!"

I was thinking, hmmm, that's cool.

As I am covering Dad up with a blanket, I notice he has these leg wraps on that are connected to a machine that are expanding and contracting around his legs.

"oh!"

that's what he was talking about!! Duh.

Gotta admit, that was a moment where I felt pretty dumb. Until he asked me what those things were on his legs? Well Dad, it's like this......

And lastly, yesterday morning . He was an NPO , which meant no food or liquids after midnight because of the upcoming surgery.

He tells me he has to use the bathroom. They don't want him standing up, for fear of no energy. So they hand him the plastic carafe with the handle. He proceed to align himself up and then does his thing. I am trying to be discreet.

No can do.

The man peed like a horse.

On steroids.

At one point, the guy down the hall popped in to see how dad was.

"good....how about you?"

"oh, not so good, I haven't pooped in 4 days"..... This guy looks at me and must have noticed the grimace on my face and starts cracking up. Then we look at dad, whose eyes are closed.

Seriously? Did he just fall asleep peeing?

"dad?"

"yeah?"

" did you fall asleep?"

"NO! I'm just concentrating!"

ooookkkkkaaaayyy.

Far be it for me and the guy down the hall to interrupt that process!

Then he hands me a FULL carafe of urine.

Where are those nurses when you need them?!?

And I leave you with something I am sure all of you have experienced in your lifetime....the crop dusting.

Yeah, we got crop dusted by our dad.

And then he has the nerve to tell us that he had no food inside him, so it was all good.

Oh, we beg to differ dad.

But then again, it was Michael and Marie who left the room and...me still inside of it.

Brings a whole new meaning to " every man save himself".

They did. And I was left clinging to the fog, trying to save myself.

I have a feeling I am going to hear a lot more of this stuff in the future.....

So, go hug your parents if they are still alive and well. Trust me.

You won't regret it.

happy rat race anniversary!

My sister in law was so kind as to remind me of an adventure we had going to Hawaii on this day a few years back.

Strap yourselves down, this one was ego damaging.

For me, of course.

For the first time ever, my brother and his family went on vacation with the Shelleys.

It started there.

In the airport to be exact.

Some of the memories are fuzzy now but one in particular stands above and beyond.

I recall being held up to make our connecting flight to Hawaii from LA. We got held up ( all 9 of us) at security, with the lines being a kajillion people long and , alas, we were all coach travelers. If we were first class, we would have slid right thru! (Another reason to fly first class!)

As we made it through security, we had precious little time to make the flight. Doors were being closed and we sent Emily ( my niece) and Breanne on ahead to work their charm and magic on the gate attendants! We were all running. I should mention that.

I should also mention that I do not travel if I do not look cute. Period.

So, yes, I had on heels. Kitten heels to be exact and yes, they were comfy.

To run in even!Quit judging me!

So, we are all running and I am lugging behind me, one carry on suitcase. Michael is in front of me and he also has a carry on. All I remember is we were running so fast and I was just trying to keep up with the family so as not to cause undue embarrasment for being the hold up.

Oh, I wish that were only the case.

In our stride, I must have caught up to Michael because I got so close to him, and at that point, ( here it comes), I tripped.

I tripped into his butt.

Yes, his hiney.

And to make it worse, we stayed like that....him running, my head on his butt while precariously balancing myself and my luggage, for about, oh, 5 seconds.

Which felt like one hour. With someone in the background yelling: " oooohhhhhhhhhhhh nnnooooooooo".

You getting the slo mo now??

Then it happened.

I fell away from his hiney and fell down.

BA BAM!

To my horror, I bounced right back up IMMEDIATELY.

My reputation was at stake here people!

Then Emily's boyfriend , while looking at me and still running, made a comment about how fast I bounced right back up and it was amazing!

Thus, the "weebles' wobble but they don't fall down" comment was born.

For the rest of the trip.

Hold on, I am not done.

They allowed us on the plane. Never mind the dirty looks on the passengers faces who had to wait for us.

Get over it people.

We had to get to Hawaii!

When we were in the air, I choose to use the lavatory.

Partially to check on my owies from falling and party, well, never mind.

Of course, there was a line.

With a gentleman in front of me. Who turns towards me , looks at me and then says:

" don't I know you?"

"Uhm, no ,I don't believe so" was my response.

" Oh yes I do! Your that woman who fell at the airport!!!!!"

(SERIOUSLY??? He really just said that out loud?!?!)

He then told me he saw it all and was amazed that I got up "SO fast"!

~"That's what I hear".

Times like that, I almost wish I had no bladder control.

wedding stuff~

Oh ,I am a wedding madwoman!

I have to say tho, I am thoroughly enjoying this.

I have taken it upon myself to make all the decor myself.

Yes, I am that anal.

I have made satin roses ( 15 dinner plate size and 30 salad plate size) , the brides bouquet, the bridesmaids bouquets, the boutineirres for all the guys, the chair decorations, the cake plates....man, I can go on and on! But I want you to see it all in 9 short weeks!
I have to write it all down or I will forget some of the details. My wedding coordinator came over yesterday and we took out everything from lanterns to chandeleirs to wedding favors ( that I made as well!! Sooooo excited for those to go on the tables!!!) to bouquets!

It is going to be so much fun to set it all up! And the great thing is, everything I have done and made will be utilized after the wedding, so no waste!

Hopefully, you will be able to hold a conversation with me when this all goes down....I have run thru this so many times mentally already, I feel like I have already done it! So, I should not be distracted by the details on THE day. If you see me stressing....give me some Di Sarronno, I will be fine. Then move me to the buffet table and I will be better.

I cannot wait to share all this with you.

If only my dress would be so easy to do/find.....

I hate to fly

Trust me, I didn't want to have to blog about my travels this time. For once, I wanted a normal traveling experience. This was not to be.

Because I hate to fly, I think God has some fun at my expense.

I actually thought I was going to slip into normalcy when I boarded the plane from Atlanta to Houston and found myself sitting in an "A" seat! This is a row all by itself, no seat mates! Ah , heaven.

When we landed in Houston, I discovered I had one hour before my next flight departed to Seattle. Ok, I got this.

We deplaned on the tarmac, walked an unearthly long trek just to make it to the terminal. I found where terminal C is, which is where my next flight was departing from. So far, so good.

Oh wait, I should check the departure board just to make sure gates were not moved.

Uhm, where is the Seattle departure? I am seeing no Seattle departure. So I move towards the assigned gate. I check my phone real quick for any gate updates from the airlines. None.

I then proceed to gate C-18....after I take a tram to get there and then walk by 18 other gates.

Gate C-18 departing for Fort Lauderdale at 7:30 pm. Uhm, what?

I ask the gate attendant. She looks at me and says " you can find your departure on the board" and walks away.

Wait! I have less than 40 minutes before my flight leaves and it's not up there! Don't walk away! This terminal was jam packed with a kajillion people, 3 people mover trams for handicaps ( filled)and a high school group of about 200 kids. She could have cared less about my little problem.

So back to the board I go. No Seattle. Anywhere. Just to make sure I am not going insane, I ask the giant man next to me if he sees Seattle up there anywhere? No? Me neither.

Great.

Now I have to muster up the balls to go to another terminal attendant to ask them for help. Problem is, every dang counter is lined up with hoards of people! Were they all going to Seattle too?

One last look at the board in frustration.......oh, oh, there it is! It just came up! Phew!

Oh.

Not in the C terminal anymore. Moved to the B terminal.

Back to the main hub and then follow the signs to the tram that will take me to the B terminal. I take the tram and

I passed 33 more gates en route. I might be sweating at this point. Ok, I am.

Finally arrive at my gate 33..it figures.

I check in , at which point the woman tells me I have a B seat.

No bueno. Not with these girls. NO BUENO!

She tells me I can upgrade to first class for 568 dollars ( you read right) ......yeah, right! No aisle or window seats available, flight is booked. She stares at me. I stare back. She is better than me. I go sit down, defeated.

Wonderful. A 5 hour flight with squished girls. Yay for me.

At least I made it to the gate in time tho, right?

We board. I am ever so hopeful that the window seat next to me is someone like myself in flights past who never showed up for the flight. Getting to the end of the passengers......

....hope,....., hope......, hope. Gone.

Down the aisle comes a man in a plastic stetson and lime green shirt headed straight for my coveted seat. Yep. It's his. Sigh.

He situates himself and tells me " Oh I am so glad I have seatmates on this flight! On my way to Mexico, I had to sit on a row by myself!"......

Say what? I haven't had that in years!

Then for the next 2 hours I am bombarded with his life story. What is it? Why do people always talk to me?!? Why do I always get the person who smells sitting next to me? This guy smelled slightly of moth balls and tequila. Yeah. I know.

He stayed in Mexico with family for 4 weeks. I know his whole life story. He even busted out the ceramics his uncle paints and showed me every piece he got.....all this, while I am trying to stay as nonchalant as I can without seeming like a bitch. He orders a beer, while telling me his wife is not gonna be happy with that. But can he buy me one too? (seriously). No thank you I say.

He then starts to get tired. Thank you Lord.

Oh wait, I may have jumped the gun on that one. His heads slumps forward and he passes out.
YES!!!!

NO!!! He starts to snore like a banshee!!! I mean, he makes Michael sound like a baby quietly napping! NOOOO!

Wait, it gets better.

He wakes up quickly. Then speaks spanish to me. Up close and personal. I tell him I do not speak Spanish. He laughs and apologizes and then passes out. Really? With one beer?

The attendant comes by with the beverage cart. He wakes up and orders another beer. Oh please Lord, no.

He drinks one sip and passes out. Cue snoring. Wakes up 20 minutes later and gets in my face speaking spanish again. I repeat, I do not speak spanish. He asks me what channel on tv I am watching and then proceeds to change it to the same channel so he can talk to me about it now.

Law and Order. Great.

Wants to buy me a beer. No thank you I say. He passes out again. This should actually be in a series of numbered steps because he was that predictable.

1. drink

2. talk my ear off

3. pass out snoring

4. wake up 15 minutes later, speaking spanish

5. laugh and take a sip and pass out

During this flight, he managed to go to the bathroom 3 times. Remember he is in the window seat? Yeahhhh.

Are we in Seattle yet? After four episodes of Law and Order and a half of another, we are approaching Seattle! Yes! Never mind we are 45 minutes late arriving, we are finally there!

He asks me if I have a ride waiting for me? Even if I didn't , I would never tell him!

I can't get off that plane fast enough.

I hate to fly.

Wedding time!

As you all know,We have a wedding in June!

Breanne and Danny became engaged on their trip out to Alabama.

Being the parents and grandparent ( G-pa) we are, of course we were concerned for her well being, leaving family and friends and moving with Danny to Alabama.

Yes, we fit the concerned parents role quite nicely.

Danny assured me on our trip to New Hampshire at Christmas time what his intentions were and I appreciated that. But nothing says commitment like marriage.

It was during my trip to Alabama to spend time with them, that they decided to take a trip to the Opelika County Courthouse to make it official.

I really appreciated that. Just verified that what Danny said, Danny meant.

So they are married now!

But to answer some of the questions that have been coming our way~

Yes, they are married.

Because they wanted to do it the right way.

Yes, they are having a ceremony in June in Washington.

Because they deserve to opportunity to have Michael walk his little girl down the aisle to a man he knows he can trust.

Yes, it is a full blown wedding and reception.

Because they deserve the celebration coming their way on June 11th.

This is their journey and we are thrilled that they are starting it in all the right ways!

The Joys of Traveling by air.....

As often as I fly, which is really not that often,I've always wanted to write about my fellow passengers . I find them so doggone intriguing.

Before I continue, I ask you to

please remember that when I fly, I tend to get a little grouchy.

Why, you ask?

Have you seen the size of my chest? By the time I get off the plane, I am pretty sure I have one gigantic boob. And so, yes, I am grouchy. Here goes~

When I see the man in the aisle next to me with his "carry on" that is actually a Hefty garbage bag filled with clothes...I say to you...seriously?

And no, it wasn't the flex kind. Just an observation.

When I see the woman who had the horribly mismatched clothes (in color as well as genre) let her hair down and then watch in horror as a man coming back from the toilet step right onto her hair...I say to you, seriously? Did you not realize that your floor length hair would, oh, I don't know, actually touch the floor when you set it free from that hideous ponytail?

And to the gentleman who sat next to my on my flight home from Atlanta: I am sure you were a very nice soul, you seemed like it. But when you smell a little like saltines and Vienna sausage, I will be just a little distant. And when you put your tray table down so you can sleep on it but end up totally resting on my whole right side of my body, I cringe. Nothing personal.

Ok, everything personal. I am not your pillow. So, in turn, to retreat a little from you, I find myself scrunching even more to the left, thus ensuring an extremely squished boob. So very comfortable for me.

Homage to the young mother traveling with two children under two and no stroller~ You are amazing. I watched how she maintained her composure while they both cried. For at least an hour. I watched her continue in a loving manner to feed them and reassure them and lay them down to sleep on their blankets on the floor. At this point, I walked over to her and told her she was my hero and asked her that if she needed to use the bathroom, I would stay with her children.

I'll admit, just for a slight second,I was worried she was never coming back.

I watched as she bundled up the youngest one ( 6 months) like a pro in her baby carrier strapped to her chest, all the while never waking her. Tucking in her blanket like an expert who has done this a million times. Then gently waking up the 18 month old and putting a restraining harness on him and coaxing him to walk towards the plane. I offered to carry him but she declined. All I kept thinking was, if someone told me I had to travel with two children under 2 with no stroller......I would have told them absolutely not. In a million years. (Hey, I never said I was going to get "Mother of the year" award.)

She is the definition of a good mom.

To the man who sat in the section clearly marked " for our handicap clients only" and then brag about the great seat he got in the terminal.......

you're an idiot. Plain and simple.

And to the mom whose children told her she was sitting in the handicap section? To which she replied " So, they're not sitting here now, are they?" You must be married to the man above. Many happy returns.

To the businessman who kept standing up by his seat, straighten his shirt, glance at his expensive watch and casually look around.... right towards my one gigantic boob....Sit Down. Before I sit down next to you. And trust me, you're not going to want that.

And last but not least,

when I travel alone, to an airport I have never been to before, I get a little tense.

Which explains why, when I landed in Atlanta and proceeded to the baggage claim, as the signs indicated....I may have missed the tram signs to GET to the baggage claim.

So I walked. And walked. And walked. Until I noticed no one was behind me. Or on front of me.

Hold up....is that a tram with people on it? Where might THAT take you? Our trams at SEATAC take you to other terminals, so I was not about to hop on one of those, let me tell you!

So I walked. A kajillion miles ( absolutely no exageration at all here) to baggage claim.

Carrying my Samsonite carry on that weighed a ton, I started to sweat and possibly worry about where I was going to end up. All by myself. In an airport I have never been to.

Eventually I got there right when the tram doors opened up and people poured out in swarms.

I overheard someone say " did she just walk to baggage?" in a hushed tone.

Why yes, yes I did. Is not the sweat pouring down my face a dead giveaway?

Welcome to traveling in my world.

I have officially been to the "South"!

It's always fun to travel to new places, take in your surroundings,

marvel at tree houses not quite built to spec.

Welcome to Alabama and Georgia Colleen!

How was it? I had a blast~ I didn't have to see the bigger attractions/cities to enjoy myself.

If you look around you, there is always something to be fascinated about.

My favorite shake your head in amazement/can't look away/ are we coming up on it yet? was, yep, the "tree house".

Oh My. I know you love us all Lord, but where were these people when you were handing out common sense?

"Ima gonna cut that tree down in the front yard. You know, the one up aginst the driveway? Then I am gonna paint it white with blue and pink polka dots, make it purty. Then Ima gonna put a piece of plywood ( I'm sure it's waterproof) ontopa it. Hand me that little tykes doll house, will ya? Up she goes! Tah Dah! Oh, hold up, I need a ladder for the stairs. There. Good to go."

True story folks. I found myself looking for it every time we drove by,kinda like an accident.

You don't want to look, you just have to.

Secretly, I wanted to see kids climbing up the ladder....

Now I have been in military installations for the first 18 years of my life and I have never seen one as big as Fort Benning. It was pretty cool. I especially loved the military museum that is there.

Danny was telling me there was an IMax theatre inside of it...I thought he was trying to see if I would believe that. He was right. ( he was right a lot of this trip....hate that) And a restaurant upstairs. But I loved how they showcased the wars with memorabilia from those times. In the center of it, in glass room,( this place was huge) they showcased medal of honor recipients.

Yeah, I read every placard inside that glass walk in display. I found it very moving to read of the heroics and sacrifices these men made. Made me cry. But, history with details ( mens names make it personal to me, I don't know why) always puts me "there", and the tears always follow.

(I don't think my face was ever dry when I was in Normandy ,France , at the American Cemetery.)

After hearing all the amenities this base provides, I want to speak to someone at Fort Lewis and ask them why they don't offer the same things~Not like they don't have the land, sheesh.

I discovered football in the south is a whole nother animal. Another watch in amazement moment. Now, remember, I grew up moving around but when we settled, we settled here. In the Northwest. That being said.....

I have never seen so much football paraphernalia in my life! On cars, homes, mailboxes, clothing, cars, homes, mailboxes, clothing....it is a religion. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to imply that it's wrong.

Not at all. I am just not used to seeing it all the time, every day, in such abundance. I was thinking at first it was because I was in ( or close to) Auburn country, but no, I don't think so.

These people are serious about their football! I kinda like it. Camaraderie is great!

Next stop: The wildlife Safari~

It was about 40 minutes away from where Danny and Breanne live. But you have to look for this place, it is not easily identifiable and/or marked. If I owned it, I would have gigantic signs on the freeway telling you not to miss it!

Because it was a blast. We rented a zebra striped van they provide ( where else would I find one?) because you just don't want these animals freely rushing your vehicle.

And rush your vehicle, they do. Continually.

Which I loved. I mean, come one, how many times does an elk ( a "tirty point buck") stick his head into your car? Or a zebra? Or a Bison?

You wouldn't think it, but these guys have it down to a fine art, sticking their heads in as far as they can for that tasty pellet you have to offer! We bought two big bags of food pellets. I thought we might need only a large cup per person. Wrong. ( another "you were right" moment for Danny and Breanne)

We had two bags, four bags each inside those, filled with food. These pellets were about the size of your thumb. So, do the math....500 animals to feed, with Breanne and Colleen in the car. Yeah, your on the right track...EVERY animal must get some! No favorites! Feed them all!

Wait! There's a deer back there, who's pellet bounced off his head, he still needs one!!!!

So...deer, zebra, bison, elk, longhorn cattle ( very impressive rack...yeah, I said it) pigs, emus, ostriches, rheas ( look it up) mules, assorted cattle/gnu like beasts all wanting to be fed.

Good times. Altho, they did ask you not to feed the horses and ostriches/emus/rheas. Said they were aggressive. Which we had no doubt of ,when one gave Danny the evil eye at a slow trot past the van, very up close and personal. He got it in video.

In the back of my mind, I kept holding onto this thought: "Headlines! Couple mauled at safari park!" Danny would be feeding an extra large elk, whose whole face was blocking out Danny's. While Breanne was marveling at this, a zebra stuck his whole head in on her side of the van wanting to know where his food was. These things are BIG and it was a little scary at first.

But we got over it.

So if your ever in the area...go there. Experience the fun!

Real estate: A lot of inexpensive smaller homes, in the area where we were. Found myself wondering what the price was on a couple of them! I noticed a majority of the homes do not have garages. The newer built ones do. But not many, unless your in a development. Lots of brick homes, which I love. But more importantly, land. Lots of land. The "I need a riding lawnmower" kind of yards.

Weather: I never want to hear another Pacific Northwester complain about rain again.

Our rain is gentle ( with the exception of the occasional storms) and constant.

Their rain is......brutal and continual for a day. Then it stops. And then, like in a movie, the birds come out and sing, the skies are blue and clear. And all signs of the gulleywasher the night before are gone. The small creek in Breannes front yard was about 4 feet across, at it's widest. When it rained, it grew to about 25-30 feet across. After the rain stopped, the water receded and all that's left is a beach. Woohoo, beach front property Breanne!!

Vultures: hmmm, they SAY they have them...I never saw one. They SAY their always around the roadkill....I never saw one.

Ponds: Lots of them! Everywhere~ Some folks have a pond for their front yard, complete with dock and chairs. ( Are there alligators in Alabama?)

I recall Cint's father telling us we talked fast and to slow it done a tad when we got to the South. So I tried to remember that when we were shopping and around employees. Sometimes I forgot to and would get caught up in a conversation with Breanne and then notice the person at the cash register looking at us in, well......, looking at us. For the most part, I don't think I weirded too many people out with my hundred mile an hour speech impediment. But I did find it extremely easy to speak with a twang...even when I wasn't even hearing it! What's up with that?

Summing it up, I leave you with these choice words to explain my trip:

Treehouse, vultures, bar-be-que, Cracker Barrel , carports, Opelika, Fort Benning, 73 degrees, RAIN!, football, Big lots ( complete with furniture!) Wedding registry, dining out, safari, Chatahoochee river, the dam, BMW, areas largest bridal store, UFC on pay for view, superbowl and good food. Especially Rogers Bar-be-que in Hogansville, GA (Do not miss that store!)

And yes, I am looking forward to going back!!