Monday, December 8, 2014

Come fly with me.....

Yes, it is THAT time of year.
When flights are overbooked and passengers are irate and cranky and an all around  embarrassment to human kind. 
I made my travels plans a couple of months ago....booked it and choose my seats. 
I guess that doesn't matter to some airlines. On my return flight home yesterday, I discovered they moved me from my chosen window seat to a MIDDLE seat.
Let me repeat that. A MIDDLE SEAT.
My girls don't DO middle seats.
So I approach the travel desk to discuss exactly this.
To which I got " we're sorry, we are overbooked and cannot make any adjustments."
"Why did my seat get reassigned anyway , when I had already checked in online?"
" we're sorry, we are overbooked and cannot make any adjustments"
Did I want to miss this flight and wait for a certain flight out at 9:55 pm with a 400 dollar voucher?
Did I want to hang out in the Atlanta airport for 8 more hours? Uh, no. I just want to go home in a window seat.
Not gonna happen.
Wonderful. Now my mindset is panicky. I had already taken a Xanax ( those of you who know I hate to travel and fly alone KNOW this is necessary) and was starting to feel as though it wasn't going to be effective.
Make the best of it Colleen. Maybe your seatmates will make up for it.
One word. 
I boarded and got all situated. Waited in the window seat, on the edge of it. Not buckled in or anything or even reclining. Just patiently waiting for the person to get there so I could buckle in my own seat. And make the best of it.
When I see this older women with a scowl on her face coming down the aisle. She locks eyes with me and then immediately turns around and calls for an attendant, 
They ask me what seat I have. I tell them 29B and that I am waiting before I buckle in to let the window seat person thru, when they get here. 
"it's MY seat and YOU'RE in it!"
Well exccccuuuuuse me for living.  This is gonna be fun, I can just tell.
She barrels thru and seats herself. The other woman and I buckle ourselves in and settle down.
No words are exchanged. 
The plane departs. Ms. Window seat immediately takes out her laptop to watch a movie. Her window cover is broken.
What a shame.
Can you feel my sympathy for her? No? good. Because there was none.
She proceeds to jam her coat into the window and it proceeds to fall off about 15 times. At that point, I decide to hand her a menu card and tell her that maybe is she slides this into the window trim, it may stay there and block the light.
" I don't need your help, I am doing fine"
Okaaaay then.
Fast forward to when the attendants come down the aisle to ask if we would like something to drink. She gets to our row. Ms Aisle seat responds and so do I . Nothing from Ms. Window seat. The attendant asks again.
So I quietly ask her if she would like something to drink.
When will I learn?
" yes, I want two vodkas and tonic" to the attendant and to me she says: " DO NOT KEEP BOTHERING ME"
Excuse me? When did I "KEEP" bothering you? Whaaaa?
I looked at her and bust out laughing. 
Mind you, MANY other responses came to mind. Many! But I decided not to be like her and just laughed.
At that point, I could have cared less if her window broke open and sucked her straight out.
I would have welcomed it.
This is the point where I decided t go ahead and sleep. And I don't care if I snore. Good. I hope I do. 
Our flight finally landed and she immediately popped up as if to escape.
No Ma'am, not gonna happen. If she tried to cross over me to get out before me, I am pretty sure at this time world war three would have erupted. You don't get to treat me like crap when I do something nice for you. Nope.
I stayed put. Right up to the very moment when Ms Aisle seat got up and I waited until she got  all her belongings together before I stood. up. Ms Window seat was pissed. Did I care?
Hhahhahahhahhahaha..uh no.
I took my sweet time standing up and then retrieving my carry on. Straightened my outfit, fluffed my hair and then proceeded to walk down the aisle. She was RIGHT UP against me. I could practically hear her breathing.
So I walked slow.
Right up to the point where she could overtake me and pass me when we got to the terminal.
Goodbye Ms window seat.
Have a lovely day.
Hey, at that point, all I cared about was that I didn't become so overcome with anxiety from crossing my arms together the whole 5
hours in flight and forming one giant boob. Yeah, imagine how good THAT feels.
She escaped scott free if you ask me.

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