ER time~

We have been at that stage where our parents' health has been an issue. For about 12 years now.

We are pro's at this now, as weird as that sounds. I'm not trying to make light of it, just trying to get through it...with some humor. But before I get started, I'm gonna tally up the past.

My mom: Parkinsons and Shy Drager disease ( not much humor here, what can I say, she was french.)

Mike's mom: Alzheimers ( left me notes all over the house telling me I was on camera and to stop stealing from her)

Mike's Dad: Alzheimers ( we didn't have much connection there...)

My dad: congestive heart failure, triple bypass surgery on my 40th birthday, diabetes, and now, broken neck surgery and beginning Alzheimers.

I have seen it all. Literally. It has left me wondering why we are born with such splendor and die with so little grace. But, in the long days of caretaking, I am grateful for the moments that catch me off guard.

With my father in Tacoma General Trauma ER room this week, I marvel at how he can have half his face swollen and bleeding from a fall,with a fractured neck, and still hold a conversation with a captain ER nurse who also did the jump school at Fort Benning.

Then another Army ER nurse who was a man, heard my dad was military once upon a day and say " You Army? me too!" My dad look at him and says :" you a doctor?"...."No, I am an ER nurse"..... "Oh, that's ok buddy.... Can't all be doctors"....

AT that point I jumped in and rescued the conversation.

But one night in his room, my dad must have been feeling a little better. His sheets needed to be changed and his RN decided to share with us. Went like this~

" When I first started nursing at 19, I had to change the sheets in a bed with a man still IN it. AND I had never seen a man naked before" To which my dad says:

" You WANNA SEE ONE NOW?!?"

AT that point, we all felt a need to answer FOR her.

"NOOOOOO".

"Oh well" my dad says.

Then there is the afternoon where I was asking my dad how he slept the night before.

"oh man, great! I slept all night and the percosets massage my legs and make them feel so much better! I am not in pain anymore!"

I was thinking, hmmm, that's cool.

As I am covering Dad up with a blanket, I notice he has these leg wraps on that are connected to a machine that are expanding and contracting around his legs.

"oh!"

that's what he was talking about!! Duh.

Gotta admit, that was a moment where I felt pretty dumb. Until he asked me what those things were on his legs? Well Dad, it's like this......

And lastly, yesterday morning . He was an NPO , which meant no food or liquids after midnight because of the upcoming surgery.

He tells me he has to use the bathroom. They don't want him standing up, for fear of no energy. So they hand him the plastic carafe with the handle. He proceed to align himself up and then does his thing. I am trying to be discreet.

No can do.

The man peed like a horse.

On steroids.

At one point, the guy down the hall popped in to see how dad was.

"good....how about you?"

"oh, not so good, I haven't pooped in 4 days"..... This guy looks at me and must have noticed the grimace on my face and starts cracking up. Then we look at dad, whose eyes are closed.

Seriously? Did he just fall asleep peeing?

"dad?"

"yeah?"

" did you fall asleep?"

"NO! I'm just concentrating!"

ooookkkkkaaaayyy.

Far be it for me and the guy down the hall to interrupt that process!

Then he hands me a FULL carafe of urine.

Where are those nurses when you need them?!?

And I leave you with something I am sure all of you have experienced in your lifetime....the crop dusting.

Yeah, we got crop dusted by our dad.

And then he has the nerve to tell us that he had no food inside him, so it was all good.

Oh, we beg to differ dad.

But then again, it was Michael and Marie who left the room and...me still inside of it.

Brings a whole new meaning to " every man save himself".

They did. And I was left clinging to the fog, trying to save myself.

I have a feeling I am going to hear a lot more of this stuff in the future.....

So, go hug your parents if they are still alive and well. Trust me.

You won't regret it.

happy rat race anniversary!

My sister in law was so kind as to remind me of an adventure we had going to Hawaii on this day a few years back.

Strap yourselves down, this one was ego damaging.

For me, of course.

For the first time ever, my brother and his family went on vacation with the Shelleys.

It started there.

In the airport to be exact.

Some of the memories are fuzzy now but one in particular stands above and beyond.

I recall being held up to make our connecting flight to Hawaii from LA. We got held up ( all 9 of us) at security, with the lines being a kajillion people long and , alas, we were all coach travelers. If we were first class, we would have slid right thru! (Another reason to fly first class!)

As we made it through security, we had precious little time to make the flight. Doors were being closed and we sent Emily ( my niece) and Breanne on ahead to work their charm and magic on the gate attendants! We were all running. I should mention that.

I should also mention that I do not travel if I do not look cute. Period.

So, yes, I had on heels. Kitten heels to be exact and yes, they were comfy.

To run in even!Quit judging me!

So, we are all running and I am lugging behind me, one carry on suitcase. Michael is in front of me and he also has a carry on. All I remember is we were running so fast and I was just trying to keep up with the family so as not to cause undue embarrasment for being the hold up.

Oh, I wish that were only the case.

In our stride, I must have caught up to Michael because I got so close to him, and at that point, ( here it comes), I tripped.

I tripped into his butt.

Yes, his hiney.

And to make it worse, we stayed like that....him running, my head on his butt while precariously balancing myself and my luggage, for about, oh, 5 seconds.

Which felt like one hour. With someone in the background yelling: " oooohhhhhhhhhhhh nnnooooooooo".

You getting the slo mo now??

Then it happened.

I fell away from his hiney and fell down.

BA BAM!

To my horror, I bounced right back up IMMEDIATELY.

My reputation was at stake here people!

Then Emily's boyfriend , while looking at me and still running, made a comment about how fast I bounced right back up and it was amazing!

Thus, the "weebles' wobble but they don't fall down" comment was born.

For the rest of the trip.

Hold on, I am not done.

They allowed us on the plane. Never mind the dirty looks on the passengers faces who had to wait for us.

Get over it people.

We had to get to Hawaii!

When we were in the air, I choose to use the lavatory.

Partially to check on my owies from falling and party, well, never mind.

Of course, there was a line.

With a gentleman in front of me. Who turns towards me , looks at me and then says:

" don't I know you?"

"Uhm, no ,I don't believe so" was my response.

" Oh yes I do! Your that woman who fell at the airport!!!!!"

(SERIOUSLY??? He really just said that out loud?!?!)

He then told me he saw it all and was amazed that I got up "SO fast"!

~"That's what I hear".

Times like that, I almost wish I had no bladder control.

wedding stuff~

Oh ,I am a wedding madwoman!

I have to say tho, I am thoroughly enjoying this.

I have taken it upon myself to make all the decor myself.

Yes, I am that anal.

I have made satin roses ( 15 dinner plate size and 30 salad plate size) , the brides bouquet, the bridesmaids bouquets, the boutineirres for all the guys, the chair decorations, the cake plates....man, I can go on and on! But I want you to see it all in 9 short weeks!
I have to write it all down or I will forget some of the details. My wedding coordinator came over yesterday and we took out everything from lanterns to chandeleirs to wedding favors ( that I made as well!! Sooooo excited for those to go on the tables!!!) to bouquets!

It is going to be so much fun to set it all up! And the great thing is, everything I have done and made will be utilized after the wedding, so no waste!

Hopefully, you will be able to hold a conversation with me when this all goes down....I have run thru this so many times mentally already, I feel like I have already done it! So, I should not be distracted by the details on THE day. If you see me stressing....give me some Di Sarronno, I will be fine. Then move me to the buffet table and I will be better.

I cannot wait to share all this with you.

If only my dress would be so easy to do/find.....