I ran across "things your parents used to say to you" the other day and I thought they needed to be updated. Or, at least "refreshed"...ala Colleen.
Keep in mind that my second language is Sarcasm. Fluent, I might add.
If you want to share some of your own with me, that would be grand. ( Did I just say "grand"? ..How the heck old am I, anyway?)
Alright then, here we go!:
Before:"Money doesn't grow on trees you know...."
After: "Who do I look like, Ted Turner?"
Before: "Here's a dime kid...go call someone who cares."
After: " Do I LOOK like I care?"
Before: "Because I said so."
After: nothing said, I just stared them down....
Before: "If" so and so" jumped off a bridge ,would you jump off a bridge?
After: " then why don't you go and live with THEM?"
Before: "Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!"
After: " You CAN call CPS because by the time they get here, you're gonna NEED them!"
Before: "When I was your age - I had to walk (10+++) miles to school...
After: "when I was your age, we HAD NO cell phones!".
Before: "You'll live."
After: "get over it"
Before"This hurts me more than it hurts you"
After: " "This hurts me more than it hurts you"...ok, so some things don't change....
Before: "You'll understand when you are a parent."
After: " I hope you have one JUST like you!"
Before: "There are starving people in Africa who would gladly eat your dinner!"
After: " Gotta try everything ....it might be your next favorite food. Try it once, And if you don't like it, then you don't have to eat it. But give it a chance."
Before:"Hay is for horses."
After: "Hey is for horses, and sometimes cows and pigs...which are you?"
Before: "Put a sock in it."
After: "Close your mouth when you're talkin to me"
Before: "We're not laughing AT you, we are laughing WITH you."
After: " we're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you, you just haven't caught up yet!"
Before: "are you hurt?."
After:" If it ain't bleeding, it doesn't count
Alrighty then, let's hear some of yours!