Things Parents said...

I ran across "things your parents used to say to you" the other day and I thought they needed to be updated. Or, at least "refreshed"...ala Colleen. 
 Keep in mind that my second language is Sarcasm. Fluent, I might add. 

 If you want to share some of your own with me, that would be grand. ( Did I just say "grand"? ..How the heck old am I, anyway?)

Alright then, here we go!:

Before:"Money doesn't grow on trees you know...."

After: "Who do I look like, Ted Turner?"

  
Before: "Here's a dime kid...go call someone who cares."
After: " Do I LOOK like I care?"


Before:  "Because I said so."
After: nothing said, I just stared them down....


Before:  "If" so and so" jumped off a bridge ,would you jump off a bridge?
After: " then why don't you go and live with THEM?"


Before: "Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!"
After: " You CAN call CPS because by the time they get here, you're gonna NEED them!"


Before: "When I was your age - I had to walk (10+++) miles to school...
After: "when I was your age, we HAD NO cell phones!".


Before: "You'll live."

After: "get over it"

Before"This hurts me more than it hurts you"
After: " "This hurts me more than it hurts you"...ok, so some things don't change....



Before: "You'll understand when you are a parent." 
 After: " I hope you have one JUST like you!"

Before: "There are starving people in Africa who would gladly eat your dinner!"
After: " Gotta try everything ....it might be your next favorite food. Try it once, And if you don't like it, then you don't have to eat it. But give it a chance."

Before:"Hay is for horses." 
After: "Hey is for horses, and sometimes cows and pigs...which are you?"


Before: "Put a sock in it."
After: "Close your mouth when you're talkin to me"

Before:  "We're not laughing AT you, we are laughing WITH you."

 After: " we're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you, you just haven't caught up yet!"

Before: "are you hurt?."

After:" If it ain't bleeding, it doesn't count


Alrighty then, let's hear some of yours!