Okay, Maybe Interesting isn't the right word......

So....maybe I am interesting.
Only, I am beginning to think, not in a Good sort of way.
I mean, only I could blog about my mishaps twice within one week.
Let me begin.
I have lived in my home for almost 10 years now. And for some reason beyond my comprehension, I only just got a garage door opener. And in that vein, I still do not possess a house key.
I have no clue why. Maybe Michael is trying to tell me something.
If he is, I am obviously am a slow learner.
So I get home from all my errands today to find that Mitch has locked the kitchen door on his way out.
Not good.
I go to my bedroom doors. Also locked. Damn our efficiency.
So I go to the back patio doors. You guessed it.
Now, we live on a private road and I usually leave the kitchen door open.
(Well, I'm not gonna anymore since your reading this, but I should get myself a key)
I figure..private road, dog in the house, yadda yadda yadda.
I am locked out of my house. Great.
I call the lab, and of course, Breanne and Michael are a fount of informational help.
"Climb thru the bathroom window!" Righhhhhht. Get right on that.
IF I WAS A THIN PERSON!
I am left with no choice. There are two windows cracked open. The bathroom window and the kitchen window.
Wonderful choices. If I choose Michaels' bathroom, I will drop to the floor and or hit the toilet.
If I choose the kitchen, I will land in the sink.
I go for the kitchen window.
So I drag a chair over to the window and hoist myself up. Mind you, I have the window opened all the way up. Which is approx. 24 inches.
Yeah. I know what your thinking. Believe me, I am there.
So I maneuver myself into the opening. Did I mention that I am not thin?
Did I mention I might have a extra large chestal area? That's right, I said "chestal".
At this moment in time, I need to be refined.
Anyway, I wiggle myself into the window and to the point where "the girls" are clearly through the opening.
Now I am stuck.
Damn, I'm in a tight spot!
I try to push back to give myself some momentum but all that happens is the chair tips over and falls. AWAY FROM THE WINDOW.
Now I am hanging there from the kitchen window. "The girls" not entirely comfortable in this position. My legs dangling and absolutley no upper body strength to pull myself thru.
Wonderful.
In utter frustration, I muster up the ability to HEAVE myself the rest of the way thru the window, thinking ( all within 5 seconds of this happening) that I should land in the sink.
Wrong again.
Apparently, I am stronger than I give myself credit for, as I overshot the sink and went straight for the floor.
To find myself staring at Manny (cat) who is looking at me like " really? We Do have a door, y'know?"
And JJ( dog) is now auditioning for "Dancing with the stars" and could care less I have splatted like a bug on the floor, just let me out to go potty dog gone it!
When I realize yet again, that there are no injuries other than my pride, I pick myself up off the floor and let the animals out.
Sure, easy for them.
They have keys. Us.
I think it's time I get a house key.
I need a cupcake.

Not that interesting folks!

Ok, so I have been getting a few complaints that I have not blogged in awhile.
True. I haven't. But I think it's time you all know the truth.
Ready?
Sitting down?
I am NOT that interesting!
Unless I go somewhere to relate my experiences, I am pretty much boring.
Yep, I said it.
I know, it sucks.
Trust me, I would rather be telling you a Vegas story or a funny thing happened on the way to the airport story!
But, I have not gone anywhere since Disneyland and I am just puttering thru the days.
Oh wait, I DID fall in the Safeway parking lot? Does that count?
There I was, leaving Safeway with my grocery cart , in a dress. (Bear with me, I am setting this up)
My receipt flew out of one of the bags and I half heartedly tried to catch it.
In doing so, I contorted in a way that if a carny was in the parking lot, they would have been proud.
The weeble in a dress falllllllls down to her knees. BaBAM!
Instantly, I pop back up. My knees are bleeding, my pride is suffering, and I quickly try to talk myself out of bursting into tears. Hey now, I never claimed to be a Warrior!
Pan with me to the left of the parking lot where a "gangsta" shouts: " DAMN! Yo a'ight?"
Behind me is a Ford pickup driving 2 miles an hour, gawking at the woman who just fell, saying" "did you just see that?" to his partner in the truck.
I felt like I was in a movie and I was playing ALL the roles, reliving them minute by minute.
But, I digress.
So I bounce up IMMEDIATELY and mentally talk myself into being brave, all the way to the car.
I get in the car, call Mitch and tell him to bring a wet washcloth to the driveway when I get home cause I just bit the dust.
I call Breanne and shout " MAMA DOWN! MAMA DOWN!"
I pride myself on not crying like a little girl. Not that I didn't want to, but I was being watched by every damn eye in that parking lot! I had no choice!
All in all, I end up with torn knees, twisted ankle ( felt broken) and wounded pride.
Set the table for a pity party. Colleen's home.
And you wonder why I haven't written anything.......