New name contest

I am thinking of re-naming myself.

Lumpy.

It becomes, oh so apparent when you see my legs and arms.

It would appear that I am allergic to not only fleas, but mosquito bites as well.

I discovered this after much research on Google.

As I stated in my previous blog, the benadryl gel has been depleted due to the massive invasion of invisible mosquito bites.

I STILL have yet to see the dang things. But I feel them.

Boy do I feel them.

I don't think going in public today is going to be such a good idea.

I've tried several remedies that people have suggested.

Salt/water paste, baking soda, over the counter medications, toothpaste, cocaine.

Ok, not cocaine, I was just seeing if you were paying attention.

But at this point, I might not be adverse to it.

As of this moment, I sit here with 28 mosquito bites that have left me with little sleep, unable to focus on anything but the painful itching and welts.

And covered in toothpaste.

Great, now I have to go to the store to get more toothpaste for it's original intention.

*insert small children and sensitive adults screaming in horror here when they catch a glimpse of my limbs*

Poor Zailey.
What do I say to her when she wants to ride her bike outside today?

"Not today honey...or any other day for that matter"???

So, if you do not like my new name for myself, I am open to suggestions.

Be kind, I am already in enough distress.

Sweat..... Yeah, I have to go there......

Today ladies and gentlemen, I am going to approach the topic of sweating.

However unpleasant.

And it is. Because I am in Alabama/Georgia for the next 4 weeks and the weather here is , well, sweat.

And now for the science lesson, because I would feel inept if I wasn't able to teach us all a thing or two~

"Sweating is the release of a salty liquid from the body's sweat glands. This process is also called perspiration.

Sweating is an essential function that helps the body stay cool. Sweat is commonly found under the arms, on the feet, and on the palms of the hands."

And on the face. Let's not forget the face.

I was sitting in the car yesterday while Breanne got gas and there was a short period when the doors were opened. By short, I mean 5 minutes. So essentially, an eternity.

Not to be gross but, let's face it, there's no getting around it with THIS topic. It was pouring off my face. There were no kleenex around and no paper towels. Why they don't keep these essentials in their car with weather like this, is beyond me.

So there I was in public, ( gasp) with liquid pouring down my face. The woman attendant was bouncing around like it weren't no thang.....what? How? I watched her, fascinated. I'm sure she thought I was a stalker. I kept looking for signs of sweat on her face...there was none. How does she do that?!? When Breanne got back in the car and the AC kicked on, I , yes, groaned with relief.

As Breanne put it: "it's like wearing a wet hot sweater" all the time. Bingo. Only, I don't win anything.

So with that, comes a whole spectrum of add ons.

1. hair do's that have their own agenda
2. inadequate make up
3. undesirable clothing , in that it sticks to you.

As if the sweat rolling off is not enough. Nooo, it has to bring it's close friends along.

Let me just say this. I will NOT stop flat ironing my hair.Until I am in the islands surrounded by my people whose hair resembles mine in every way. And so, this means I start the process every morning, regardless.

(Insanity: the defintion of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.)

Hair spray is my best friend.

Make up: It starts off fantastic. But what makeup can hold up under a constant barrage of water running over it I ask you? I try to avoid any and all mirrors during the day. End of story.

Clothing: I see women everywhere wearing tank tops. Skinny women, tall women, short women and, uhem, fat women. Let me preface this with saying that will never be me. Tank tops go UNDER a lightweight cardigan. Only, here in Alabama, nothing is lightweight. So, I end up looking stupid in layers. What started out as put together and ready to face the world, ends up a hot mess. Hot, hahahha, get it?

And no matter what you do to combat it, sweat always wins.

Which means I always lose.

This is not going to go well.

Spiders, Cicadas, Palmettos, oh my

Gather 'round boys and girls,

today we're going to talk about bugs!

Who can tell me if you've even been bitten by one?

Yes? How about an invisible one?

That's right! Apparently, here in the south, they have invisible bugs as well as the ones you can see!

Oh joy! It's not enough that I don't even like to step on the "grass" here because every time I do, I see a large bug. Every time.

Large spiders, large cicadas, large palmettos.

What, you say? What is a palmetto? Allow me to quote my new friend( on my first trip to Alabama) sitting next to me on the plane.

"You're gonna see cockroaches. People down here call em Palmettos. Just a fancy word for cockroach. You know, like "la cucaracha" in the song? Same difference. Same bug. Just a fancyfide name for em".

Wonderful.

My last experience with cockroaches was not pleasant. But that's another story.

Apollo has to be on leash when he goes out because there is no fenced in yard. So we take him potty on a leash. That means we have to walk on the grass. That also means we have to go outside.

Which brings me to my invisible bugs.

I swear, when I come back into the house, I have a new bite on me every time.

Do I ever see them? no.

Do :I ever feel them bite me? no.

Do I swell up from the bite and get to the point where I really shouldn't describe it to you? yes.

Where the heck did that bug come from?

It's invisible.

That's all I can think of.

I have no other explanation.

At this rate, I should be one big swollen bug bite by, uhm, August.

Add to that the sweat that is rolling off of me and together, they make one heck of an attractive package~

Sweat.

I will have to make that my next blog.

When I figure out how to keep the moisture out of my eyes long enough to actually see.

I will leave you now to discuss invisible bugs, as I use the last of my benadryl gel on every pore of my body.

Hot is one thing....

So here I am in Alabama/Georgia.( I am usually in both states once a day.)

It is currently 10 am EST and it is 80 degrees.

Now, I knew it was going to be hot here. I have done hot.

Hot in the Caribbean, hot in Maui, hot in Las Vegas. Pretty much all the same.

Until now.

What they say about dry heat, well, is true. I don't care if it feels like running an acetylene torch over your body. It's still dry heat.

Which takes me to where I am going next.

Humid~ :When a volume of air at a given temperature holds the maximum amount of water vapour possible, the air is said to be saturated.

Oh. My. Gosh.

You know how you feel when it's raining out and you have to get out of the car? You kinda wait for the best moment when you will get the least wet?

That's how I feel. I RUN from the car into the store. And I can't help but sigh out loud as soon as I get into the air conditioned environment. I don't even bother to look to see if anyone thinks I'm strange that I am so relieved to be out of that heat and talking to myself about how soooo much better that feels.

Yesterday it was 104 and I found myself very comfortable in the commissary. What do you mean I have to leave when I am done shopping? What?!?

As long as I am at it, I might as well address the sweat.

Oh yes.

The sweat.

However do southern women maintain their composure and look as if they just stepped out of a refridgerator?

I'll admit, been here for a whopping 36 hours and I am already comtemplating looking like Mike's twin sister.

For those of you who have not seen Mike lately, he is bald. Well, shaved.

But, HE is the comfortable one.

What started out as a cute hair style on me is now a wet straggly hot mess.

Doused in hair spray. You know, to maintain style.

Oh wait, there is none now.

The fans are on here in the house, the animals are making as little movement as possible and I have finished cooking dinner. Did not want to have any stove top or oven or uneccesary heat added to this mess later in the day!

I keep glancing at the pool in the backyard.

But to GET into it would mean I have to go OUTSIDE!

I have a funny feeling that I will return to Washington kinda soggy in 6 weeks.

"where's your tan Colleen?"

It soaked off in the pool.....

I know I was eagerly looking forward to leaving the crap weather of Washington behind so I am going to make the best of this!

6 weeks.....pray for me.