Easter

Today I busted out the Easter decorations.

It was nothing like it used to be, let me tell you. But I managed to decorate the dining room table and entry hall console table. It looks springy.

I used to hang plastic eggs from my trees outside, big flowery wreaths on the door, mini lights in pastel colors and every Fitz and Floyd ceramic Easter related piece was out and on display. I used to take decorating very seriously.

As I get older, the display gets sadder.

But this year, I have decided to have an Easter egg hunt for little man Ryan, who is two.

I live next door to a vacant lot and I am going to trespass this year.

Shhhhhh. don't let the owner know. Watch her drive up in her Mercedes this Sunday and see us! She bought the lot, left it vacant and comes by , I think, maybe 3 times in the last 5 years? The lot originally belonged to the people who owned our home but we could not afford to buy it when we bought this home. (Dang it. Would have loved to have that lot!)

Anyway, it is quasi-fenced in but I can go into it just by going thru my hedges that butt up to it. SO that's what we're going to do on Saturday!

I am going to hide the plastic eggs and watch and take pictures as Ryan looks for them. There is no cuter thing than a small child looking for eggs in the grass. Well, maybe there is, but this rates right up there~

I remember when Mike's mom used to make these great moss baskets for Breanne and Mitchell and they would hunt for eggs in her yard. And they would always go to the ELKS club to hunt them there too. Easter with kids is so much fun.

So I am excited to be able to do this for little man. I hope it doesn't rain.

Pictures to follow!

Facebook statuses

So, I have discovered that my
1st instinct is to: forgive
2nd instinct us to : punch someones face out
3rd instinct is to: take back the punch and go back to number one.

Which might explain my facebook statuses to all of you who go there.
I feel a need to explain my erratic behavior.
When I have seen something that appeals to my second instinct, I wholeheartedly post it on FB. Then comes the guilt. Because, you know why? I am better than that.
God tells me every day that I am. But do I listen?
Oh heck no. Not right away at least. But when I do realize it, I go back to my FB page and remove the posting.
I am only human. And when me or mine have been hurt and torn apart, I react.
Like I said, I first forgive because it truly is my instinct. But the defense mode kicks in real fast and leaves God shaking His head at me in utter disapointment.
Because now, I have become no better than that person I am lashing out at.
Whether it be in humor or not.
Someone recently told me I cannot "throw pearls to swine" either. I totally understand that. But someone else told me that same day that they realized the amount of forgiveness they give, all comes back to the amount they were given.
Ah, such wise words Misty.
I screw up all the time. It's just that not everyone see's it. ( And they won't if I can help it, sheesh, I have a reputation to uphold)
But God forgives me every time I do. And let me tell you, it doesn't make me feel like I have a "get out of jail free" card, it just makes me realize that we all screw up. And when we do, we are going to want forgiveness.
This love of Christs' is unconditional. And I am so thankful for that.
Because mans love is not. And I am to emulate Christ. He tells me that every day.
So to the person that has torn our world apart, I forgive you, I did right away.
I see worth there. Regardless of what you think. So please forgive me for the FB postings I occasionally give in to.
And to all of you who think I have lost it....
I have. Several times over. But God picks me up and dusts me off and reminds me yet again, that I worthy.
Worthy to show others what HE is really all about.

A Road Not Traveled

I was watching "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" last night.

When suddenly, one of the characters said something I found to be profound, at this moment in my life.

" You gotta stop thinking about what you thought it would be". Or something to that effect. I just know when they said it, that it was such simple advice.

But still no easier to apply.

One of the hardest obstacles to get over is that I can't get into someone's mind.

And so ~because I cannot, I keep thinking.

Keep wondering how somone can claim to love someone with such sincerity one day and then, walk away the next.

I mean, who does this? Is there someone out there that can enlighten me?

Anyone at all?

Because, I feel I may be going mad. It is my every instinct to mend, heal and put back together.

And yet, this one, I cannot.

And let me tell you, for someone like me, this is very difficult.

Closure. We all need it.

It's what helps us move on. To move away from the past and towards the future.

Closure, to stop thinking about what could have been.

So we can open doors to what will be. . . .

feeling creative~

Today I had no intention of doing anything.

Really.

I know it's hard to believe.( *insert sarcasm here*) I am on my own for the next two days and there is something liberating about that.

Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not like Michael ties me down or anything but just knowing there is not another soul in the house, is, well, kinda cool.

Breanne is off on a much needed get away road trip and so Michael is staying with Apollo. Or should I say, spooning with Apollo. That dog soooo hogs bed space.

Anyway, I digress.

I had no intention of being productive. Until I sat in my bed ( out of jammies and dressed of course,......or am I?) and cruised the internet. I stumbled upon someone who sells mini chandeliers that she customizes. Oh, hold up! I have those same chandeliers! I have 12 of them!( For Breanne's wedding. That is no more. But she doesn't want me to get rid of them because we know Mr. Right is right around the corner. )

This woman painted hers various colors and called it good and upped the price by 40 dollars! I paid insanely cheap, I mean, inexpensive price of 10 dollars each for these things. She wanted 50 dollars each.

Seriously?

I have all these really cool crystal chandelier prisms that I got on EBay and so , I started creating. I must say, mine blow hers away. Shucks.

From there, I organized all the remaining prisms I have and put them into apothocary jars and then put it on my nightstand. ( my night stand is actually a 3 1/2 foot long bookcase with no backing that I got from Pier One) Merchandising is all about organizing. So I started cleaning up and merchandising my nightstand.

There. From zero to productive in only 6 hours. The process was actually only one and a half hours but now I can justify sitting in bed the rest of the night.

I might be addicted to Holmes on Homes and International Househunters.

We have now become one of those families who belong to an elite club.
The club of Engaged Daughters who have been Un-Engaged . Left behind.
And it is only a club I never even dreamed we would belong to. Not us.
Welcome to the initiation. It involves watching your own go through heart wrenching ( no pun intended, believe me) physical and mental obstacles.
No Eating because when they do, it refuses to stay with them. No drinking because, well, it pairs up with the eating regime. Clothes don't fit anymore.
And so this involves absolutely no energy because the body cannot possibly endure with no fuel. All the while maintaining a facade of well being for the sake of others who are aware of the misfortune. Others who want answers but you cannot give them any because you have none. So in addition to the humiliation, heartbreak and physical limitations, there is the confusion.
The costs are of no importance. What was really lost was the hours of planning to make sure the day was perfect for the happy pair. The hours of calling, interviewing, researching, and well, you get the point.
The deposits that will not be returned, the amazingly gorgeous made to order wedding dress that took her Dad's breath away, the decorations hand made by me for hours on end. But none of this is what gets you into this club.
It is the picking up of her heart and trying to piece it back together for her.
Reassuring her she DOES have value, even though the "groom to be" ripped it off of her.
We all know that these things happen for a reason and we take solace in knowing that this too will pass. Because this is supposed to be a relationship filled with joy and if it is not, then one day it will be. Someday.
She has good friends that have lifted her up, held her and prayed.
She will be whole again. Of that, we will assure.
And she is starting to see this for herself. She is a wonderful, supportive, loving and faithful woman. Some man will have the intelligence to recognize this and when he does, he will be a very happy man. He will stand beside her, through tough times and good times. Because real love does this. It does not abandon.
It does not tear another down, it does not accuse. It communicates and holds the other's fears in it's hands and handles it with the utmost care. Because that's what true love does.
And we are so sorry that this groom to be did not recognize that.
As the song by Keith Urban says:
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't.
Stupid boy, stupid boy.
What made you think you could take a life
and just push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
you had to take her and break her down.
Oh you always had to be right but now you've lost
the only thing that ever made you feel alive.
You stupid boy.
We hate this club.

Birthdays

March 1st, 2010.
Which just happens to be my birthday.
Oh, I am BIG on birthdays. Just in case any of you were wondering.
It used to be if my birthday was on a Thursday, let the birthday weekend begin!
Now, I settle for the day. Chalk it up to age. Getting on in it, I mean.
My fondest memory was the time Michael cooked dinner for me,
it was on the cover of Bon Appetit magazine and it included a birthday dinner for 12.
The main course was Paella, with chicken and sausage and shrimp. A salad with homemade croutons and proscuitto and dressing and a layered cake for dessert. Now, before you go all " big deal, anyone can do THAT"....I beg to differ.
This is the man whose daughter once proudly announced in preschool that " My daddy burns salads!".
The magazine walked him thru it three days in advance and he followed it religiously.
It was so fun to see him work on different courses and see it to fruition on my special day.
And I got to share it with 10 others too! Oh man, did he get mass points for THAT birthday!
I have since asked him if he could repeat that occasion, to which he replied" uh, yeah, NO"
It was way too much work for him he looked me in the eye and told me.
He would rather take me out or buy me something nowadays.
I understand totally. It takes a lot out of me to entertain 10 people. I know, I do it often.
And it's even harder as I get older. Like today.
So tonight we went to Stanley and Seafort's for dinner.
Ever have a dinner that disapointed? Because I have had a ton lately! But not tonight, thank goodness! Tonight's was wonderful.
(Phew. Would have hated to be bitchy on my birthday~)
Ideally, being in Vegas with unlimited funds would be THE best birthday ever......I am still holding out for that one.
But for now, I have 30 minutes left so I am headed to the kitchen.
Maybe make some shortbread. So I can have some in the morning for breakfast.
Or maybe I'll go shopping on Etsy or Ebay. I have 30 minutes left to milk it.
My pastor told me that on my facebook.
I HAVE to listen to him.
He has connections.